Not if she could help it.
Awhile ago we got into a feisty discussion about Rachel’s reaction to Don wanting to run away in NvK.
(And lately we’ve been so filled up with news and scoops. But we still love talking about the show!)
No. Something happened and, I want to go and I want you to come with me and I don’t want to come back.
What happened?
What does it matter, isn’t this what you want?…
…You want your children to go on without a father? You know how that felt.
Are you having an attack of conscience after all this?
No. I’m watching you talk because I feel I don’t know you.
You know more about me than anyone.
You won’t even tell me what happened.
And so I think this is where it begins.
In Don’s partial defense, I don’t think that he can physically speak the words (the answer to ‘what happened’.) But I think that his anger at Rachel serves to seal this window shut; I believe that Don doesn’t tell Rachel what happened. Ever. Regardless of how this scene turns out. They run off to Buenos Aires? She still never finds out why.
And subltely this relationship shifts from one of honesty-beyond-Don’s-wildest-imaginings to one where there are lies, mistrust and manipulations. Now Don has withheld from her once, and it is a big one, and she took it, and so he can withhold from her again.
(She didn’t take it, of course. That’s what makes Rachel Rachel, and not Betty.)
I’m not saying that Don ever had with Betty what he had with Rachel. But I stand by that Don and Betty do have a marriage. And that while, yes, Betty was absolutely perfect for Don on paper, he was also genuinely drawn to her. I think that at some point Don opened up to Betty, if simply by loving her, from a deeper place than he’d ever accessed prior.
Okay so maybe it wasn’t that deep a place. But remember, this is a guy who doesn’t believe in love. Love was invented by guys like him to sell nylons. And okay so maybe Betty was an easy mark; certainly she was easy to lie to and to withhold from. And let’s face it, Betty followed Don’s ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ rulebook. She married a man who won’t discuss his past. But now the lies, the withholding, and the anger at Betty if/when any of these things are challenged; these are all the fabric of the Drapers’ marriage.
Not only was Don angry and defensive with Rachel, but he was manipulative and mean. And we’d wanted to think Don would never treat Rachel this way. And now he has.
Are you having an attack of conscience after all this?
May 30, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Great post.
May 30, 2008 at 3:27 pm
This is a wonderful post!
May 31, 2008 at 11:40 am
I don’t think Don could ever make Rachel Betty. Betty’s too afraid of him…or too afraid of what will happen to her. Rachel, on the other hand, doesn’t need him. Well, not in the traditional sense, any way. It’s a lot easier for her to tell him to go to hell, which is what she does, although she’s much more polite about it: “please go now.”
I agree with you that Don never tells her the full story, but I think he may tell her something. Had she actually run off with him, he would never tell her anything again. But if she’s still in his life in 1962 (or manages to re-enter it), I suspect he divulges something. That seems to be the nature of their…”relationship.” Don tries his same old same ol’, she calls him on it, and he retreats. He adjusts, comes back softer, more accessible, more revealing, then she’s intrigued–she allows him in. That’s their pattern. With each retreat and subsequent return, the stake’s change. The more acute her assessment is of him, the more revealing is his return.
But what I’m stuck on, what I can’t figure out, is if he’s making legitimate attempts at intimacy (which we know he craves), or if he’s just some manipulative psychopath. I don’t think anyone ever wants to believe that someone can be that much of an SOB–can be that cruel–but it is an option. There are plenty of people in the world like that. I just don’t think they’ve ever been protagonists of a TV show.
“Not only was Don angry and defensive with Rachel, but he was manipulative and mean. And we’d wanted to think Don would never treat Rachel this way. And now he has.”
The way Don expresses his anger with women in general is interesting. He’s like a little boy having a temper tantrum. He loses all sense of decorum and control. Contrast this with how he is when he’s mad at one of the men–he’s steely and cool, never loses his composure.
It’s all so fascinating. A train wreck I can’t turn away from.
May 31, 2008 at 11:48 am
Don tries his same old same ol’, she calls him on it, and he retreats. He adjusts, comes back softer, more accessible, more revealing, then she’s intrigued–she allows him in. That’s their pattern. With each retreat and subsequent return, the stake’s change. The more acute her assessment is of him, the more revealing is his return.
Hullaballoo: One of the resident BoK geniuses.
I don’t think Don is a manipulative psychopath. Yes, there’s a TV show like that—I haven’t seen Dexter, but it has a serial killer as the title character, and I’m told it’s brilliant.
But back to Don: He’s deeply wounded, as anyone with that childhood would be. But he’s not a sociopath. He tells Pete he has a “deep lack of character,” which means he thinks about character, and cares about it. And yes, he cheats on his wife, lies about who he is, abandons his brother. These are grave character flaws. But I think he absolutely believes in redemption, in courage (which is why Rachel calling him a “coward” was pivotal), in decency, and he’s absolutely seeking intimacy.
May 31, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Don’s clearly damaged, but just as clearly human.
Neither a sociopath nor a psychopath, he, as always to me, is a reflection of the post-War America the show is examining: Flawed but contains much to admire.
June 1, 2008 at 2:25 am
Genius? Well…all right, if you insist. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. LOL. Thanks for the compliment.
All right, Deb. You’ve convinced me, and believe me, that’s reassuring. Because even Dexter, who clearly is a psychopath (and yes, the show is brilliant, as is Hall’s performance, although MM and Jon Hamm are better, IMO), only kills the bad guys. Really bad guys–like other serial killers and drug dealers who sell to kids. Not that that’s any kind of justification, but it certainly makes the premise of the show easier to swallow.
With Draper, though, the primary victims of his cruelty (Adam, Betty, and Rachel) are people who have done nothing more than love him. Unconditionally, for the most part. They’re all likable, sympathetic characters who want nothing more from him than his love in return. It makes his treatment of them even more untenable.
But even worse than that, what does it say about me that I love that guy? LOL.
June 1, 2008 at 5:30 am
Loo, killer stuff. The quote Deb pulled, and also this one:
The way Don expresses his anger with women in general is interesting. He’s like a little boy having a temper tantrum. He loses all sense of decorum and control. Contrast this with how he is when he’s mad at one of the men–he’s steely and cool, never loses his composure.
Though I agree with Deb that he may be diagnosable, but not as a psycho or sociopath. He has a conscience. Sociopaths do not. I think his wrongs are what Dan says… partly the miserable way he was ‘raised’, and partly the expectation of men in the society he molded himself to fit into.
Don is interesting in how kind he can be to women at times… Deborah has pointed out how he is always nice to Peggy; perhaps dismissive, but always please and thank you, and certainly respectful of her as a writer. And he tends not to join in when women are the butt of a joke. And yet he throws these tantrums. But there is a part of those tantrums that is permitted by the social norms. (I’m not gonna let a woman talk to me like this).
June 1, 2008 at 9:17 am
They’re all likable, sympathetic characters who want nothing more from him than his love in return. It makes his treatment of them even more untenable.
But even worse than that, what does it say about me that I love that guy? LOL.
We sympathize with Don because he is genuinely doing the best he can. He longs for intimacy that he fails at. Because he is sympathetic, and truly wants to be a better man, he chooses decent people, people I think he hopes to emulate, and then hurts them.
June 4, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Don’s reactions toward women, one might categorize them as him reacting “like a woman,” i.e., out of control, exaggerating, tempermental. This is in no way typical of women, though characters on “Mad Men” might have thought so.
These reactions arise out of something he feels he needs, a good woman. Betty represents an ideal, a June Cleaver type. She usually sees things Don’s way and goes with what Don wants to do. Betty’s not incapable of being on her own, she likely went straight from the safety of her parents’ home and into Don’s life. Save for her modeling career, Betty has had to do little for herself.
Rachel, on the other hand, is different in that being a significant part of her father’s company has allowed her to develop the kind of independence that helps her skillfully navigate the -isms of the business world. I dare say that if Rachel were in Betty’s place, Rachel might not know what to do with herself.
Betty doesn’t know what to do with herself because I think she feels that she’s trying to be the ideal wife and mother, and Don is still cheating on her. Her domestic perfection can’t keep him from straying, so she doesn’t know what else to do.
June 4, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Kim, awesome thoughts.
Rachel, on the other hand, is different in that being a significant part of her father’s company has allowed her to develop the kind of independence that helps her skillfully navigate the -isms of the business world.
Also being Jewish trains you to navigate -isms as well.
June 4, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Kim…great analysis!